Patience, My Dear Patients

I think that nursing is the most noble profession on Earth, second only to religious life and parenthood. It is the most selfless and rewarding job you could ever have. It is under-appreciated and under-valued. Nurses are abused and forgotten daily. But I also think its the only profession you can't totally write off. You may meet a bad car salesman, or a bad doctor, or a bad clergyman, and shun the entire community b/c of that one person. But even when you meet a bad nurse, you can never shun the entire profession b/c you know it is truly a beautiful and worthy calling.

Please know that I became a nurse to help people. I want to make the lives of others better. I want to comfort the sick and tend to the families. I don't want to diagnose or take your lives into my hands, but I often do. It just comes with the territory. I worry through my day about each patient and even in my busiest times, recognize the smallest detail. What I see, you are not even thinking about.

I know that you care about the comfort of yourself or a loved one. I know you want answers. I know that time is as crucial to you as breathing. You constantly wonder if anyone even cares. You want a nurse who has the same devotion to your family member, or yourself, as you have. And even though I see your concern and want to help you, there are some things I wish you knew.

I care about you. I am working through my day to make sure nothing is missed and nothing is left undone. But you must have patience. I have several other patients to care for as well. And several other family members begging to talk to me. I have phone calls from your family on the other line asking the same questions that I am answering right in front of you. You may ask for something for indigestion while two other people need something for pain or anxiety. So don't be upset when I am not there right away.

There are people out there saying that hospitals everywhere should hire more staff. But our staffing is adequate for a medium day of chaos. We can't control the days when the team of patients we started with are not the same team of patients we end with. We can't help when a patient codes, or a person detoxes, or someone who has chosen an unhealthy lifestyle requires more time and attention from more than one staff member. Our job is perhaps one of the most unpredictable.

Also, please realize that I have not just patients and families to answer to. I have Physicians, and bosses, and respiratory therapists, and occupational therapists, and physical therapists, and speech therapists, and case coordinators, and catering associates, and housekeepers, and radiology, and ultrasound, and surgery, and transporters, and pharmacy, and lab, and other departments, and other floors--and I speak to nearly every single one of them every day that I work. So I would NEVER intentionally ignore you or put your concerns on the wayside. I am simply very busy.

I appreciate the time that you spend to talk to me and give me a chance to get to know you. What makes it difficult is when you don't see that I must get going. I have not only patients to see, but people to chart on and legal things that must be done before I am allowed to leave. Know that I, too, have a family I miss and want to get home to see. So, please continue to talk to me about your depression and your most joyful moments, but if you are just lonely and want to talk, let me know. I will go out of my way to make sure I sit with you in my moments of down time, but I dont always have the time for a lengthly conversation at that moment. If I'm backing up towards the door, there's your sign.

Family members. You are just as important as the patient I am caring for. You are vital to doing my job well. I appreciate your insight and concerns. I love when you send cards and food to thank our staff for a job well done. Please dont call me on the phone and talk to me for 30 minutes about your arthritis. Please don't tell me about a fight that you and your sister are in. I would love to help you, but I just don't have the time. If you want me to provide excellent care, then please give me your chit-chat time to use on your family member. Also, when you criticize, or ask me one question after another without giving me time for an answer, or get upset b/c I can't legally tell you information, or yell at me b/c you're mad at the doctor or another nurse--you are not helping. I have a hard time focusing when you make me feel like I can't do my job.

There is a misconception that nurses are always on their computers--ha! If only we didnt have to be! Legally, we must chart EVERYTHING! When a patient gets to a chair, or a doctor is notified, the doctor response, when a bed is changed or a foot rub is given and how many people it took to get a patient to the bathroom--all of this, times a million other things must be charted. It's all in the name of improving healthcare, so I will happily continue to do it, but I can tell you that most every nurse would rather be at the bedside providing excellent patient care.

What I want you to know about me is that it hurts my feelings when you think that I don't care about your family member. It makes me angry when someone without a medical background thinks that I don't know what I am talking about. If you think being rude will make me work faster, it only makes it harder for me to concentrate. You pushing me and insulting me makes my other patients suffer as well. Now, they don't see the smile across my face anymore, they don't feel comforted by my confidence b/c it has been crushed. I am someone's loved one, someone's child, someone's parent and I know that they would never stand for anyone to speak to me the way I am so often abused. I have been a patient and a family member. I always try to treat my patients on an individual need basis b/c I would want that same catering courtesy delivered to my family or myself.

I can see how reading this letter may make you think I don't like you or your family. I can see how reading this letter may make you afraid to speak up or say what you feel. But let me reassure you that I WANT to care for you. I WANT to make you feel like there is hope. I WANT to be a shoulder for you to cry on and your advocate. If you only knew how many times a day I go to bat for you, just to keep you safe. If you only saw the details that I see to comfort you before you even know you need it. If you only heard the kind words and concern in my voice when I discuss your situation with others who also are involved in your care. I could offer you a blanket when you're cold, but I offer you a warm blanket from the blanket warmer. I could fill your pitcher with water, but I use fresh ice water. We may not carry ice tea or have a fresh pot of coffee made, but I will brew you a new pot and make hot tea and pour it over ice (that's how its done in restaurants, by the way). You ask for a soda that we don't carry on our floor and I go to the cafeteria to get you one. I will be the bearer of bad news when you refuse part of your treatment plan (and you absolutely have that right:) and take the yelling and scolding from others. I will stay until way past my shift to make sure you get that back rub that you requested. I will be there when a doctor tells you that you have stage 4 metastatic cancer and I will hold you as you break down and cry. I will be there when you take your last breath.

Because I am a nurse.