To Chad

A friend of my mother's just lost her 16 year old son yesterday unexpectedly in a car accident. I did not know the son, but a tragedy like that is felt by all. I hope that I never have to experience the loss of a child, but I know that suffering does not choose a race, class, or religion. Here is what I would imagine a mother would say to her child (I'm using Chad as a template).

"Please come back. Let me hold you in my arms one last time. Let me rest my cheek on your forehead and sing to you softly. Allow me to kiss away all your tears and take every pain onto myself. Call me "Mama" one more time. I will give everything right now for this single moment.

Did I tell you "I love you" enough? Did I tell you what a strong person you've become? Did I tell you I was proud of you? Did I tell you that I knew about the secrets you kept? Did I encourage you enough to inspire you to reach for your dreams? Did you know that I sneaked into your room nearly every night just to watch you sleep?

I remember the ecstacy of finding out I was carrying you inside me. I remember the first kick, the first flip, the first hiccup felt inside my womb. I remember looking into your eyes for the first time and seeing an entire world suddenly changing for the better. I remember nursing you close to my breast as you held tightly to my shirt. I remember your first word, your first step, your first day of school. Every picture you ever drew for me is fresh in my mind. How I loved every present you ever made for me!

I saw how insecure you felt about yourself. I long to have back the night we practiced dancing in the living room, preparing for your first dance, your first date, your first love. I could see the person you were becoming, blossoming before my eyes. Every conversation we had, left me in awe of the truly magnificant person I have raised. Every affectionate moment was savored, knowing that they were growing fewer and farther between.

Did you think of me? Were you scared? In pain? I hope it was quick and I hope you simply woke up in God's arms, not even realizing what had happened. I hope you are at peace, not aching to be with me. Knowing that you are safe and contented in God's kingdom somehow makes this easier, but not less painful.

If I could go back only one day, I would never let you go. Death would have to take me with you because I could not give up my child. I cannot imagine a world without you. I cannot imagine waking up day after day, knowing that there is one less bright light to inspire. When will this heaviness lighten?

Oh, my dear child! Please come back to me. Let me hold you in my arms one last time. Let me rest my cheek on your forehead and sing to you softly. Allow me to kiss away all your tears and take every pain onto myself. Call me "Mama" one more time. I will give everything right now for this single moment."